Things I’ve Learned About DPS From Tanking
Posted by ariedan in In Which I'm Very Silly, Tanking
When requesting my tanking services for your random pick-up group, please inquire about all of my stats. You may not realize this, but you need 30k unbuffed health and the heroic Yogg-Saron achievement in order to successfully complete heroic Azjol-Nerub. It’s science!
The higher dps you do, the less you should worry about your threat. When you finally hit the 5-7k dps range, just go ahead and uninstall Omen. If you pull aggro, complain it’s not your fault you’re the more solid player.
Always stand in front of the mob. It’s a little known fact that hugging the tank makes your dps higher. And if those mean nay-sayers retort about a cleave, just cheerfully pip up with, “But I’m no warrior!”
If a tank is chain-pulling, he is clearly a jerk that doesn’t realize you need a full mana bar for every trash pull. In this situation, you should demand that he stop after every pull. For special emphasis, you should create a yell macro. If he doesn’t slow down any, as a last resort, just call him terrible.
On the other hand, if you feel the tank is pulling too slow, you are fully entitled to pull for him. Don’t worry, he’ll thank you for helping him out. All he has to do is press some tanky buttons when a few groups start chaotically frolicking towards your healer, so it’s not a big deal, right?
If a tank says “LOS pull,” it’s actually a foreign acronym that translates roughly to mean “dps pull.” And remember, you’re doing the tank a favor by dpsing that caster that’s shooting shadowbolts around the corner, so if the tank yells at you, tell him he needs to learn to play.
If you see a pack of mobs patrolling nearby, you should hurry up and pull it! Hurry, now! Go go, it might get away for good!
AoE is more effective if you begin before the tank can ever fully hit all the mobs. After all, tanks have the easiest jobs; all they have to do is hit one button and they have eternal aggro on all mobs immediately. And if they lose aggro, well then, call them bad.
If the tank asks if you’re ready to pull the boss, tell them you are, even if you aren’t really. Be sure to wait until he pops his cooldowns in preparation to pull before screeching he has to wait for your mana. Again: science!
If a tanking weapon or stamina item drops, you’re allowed to roll need on it for PvP. Tanks need to quit being selfish twats and realize the game doesn’t evolve around them. Besides, PvE players are all scrubs, so you deserve it more, anyhow!
If the tank marks skull, point and laugh at him. Make it clear you are mocking him because focus-fire is never, ever needed these days, as AoE is king. If your tank tries to explain some nonsense about healing and special abilities, just ignore him and AoE anyhow.
Feel free to go afk, tab out, or just stand there while furiously responding to your paramours in whispers. This is just a game, after all. Who does the tank think he is, telling you he’ll kick you if you don’t dps? I mean, first he tells you you’re dpsing too hard and pulling aggro, and now he’s telling you to start dps? All tanks are whiny little prima donnas, seriously.
Link the dps meters consistently. Preferably after every trash pull. You need everyone to know you’re carrying this group, fo real.
When doing a boss, your strategies are always best. Even if the rest of the group does it the tank’s way, yours is clearly better. Argue until they realize you’re smarter.
Disclaimer: this post is in no way sarcastic. That was also sarcasm.
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Colour me ROFLed, some of that is just SO true! Love it! Especially the DPS meters… if I’m not linking my meter showing how awesome I am consistently, I am so not doing my job. I should also be berating the tank and the healer for being noobs for having such low DPS… what the hell could they possibly be doing!
@ Saresa
I’ve actually seen tanks and healers berated by incoherent, idiotic dps for having “low dps.” So, so sad.
its like you opened up my head and wrote down what you saw… preach on sister.
What’s even sadder is when you beat the DPS at their own game while you’re tanking.
Shopshopshop’s last blog post..The Non-Upgrade
Very nice “first thing in the morning with my tea read” I’m just so pleased to have been pointed at this site : )
As a DPS, I would just like to say, I love this post
I have been reading your blog for quite some time, and I wanted to tell you how much I enjoy it. I was so surprised when I saw my good friend was in your guild when she hunted me down…err, came to visit me.
Keep writing
*hugs*
I love you for this! My only 80 is a warrior tank, and I’ve had to deal with pretty much all of these, even in a simple heroic. Also: when the tank pulls something and then runs back into the previous room to avoid, say, a pat, or being feared or thrown into the next pull, the DPS should totally not follow the tank and just stand where they were, so they pull the next group anyway.
Re: tanks and healers having low DPS… The best thing ever is when I’m on my 71 blood DPS DK in reg Nexus with a frost tank DK and a ret pally [who love their aggro, yes they do], and they both try tanking and neither can hold aggro against the other, so I take over tanking even though it’s not my spec and even while tanking successfully I’m still at the top of the damn DPS chart on every single fight!
@Randy:
It’s just one of those things we all suffer from as a tank. I’d like to say it’s why I don’t pug, but alas, my own guild’s dps suffers from some of the same issues at times. Especially the whole pulling extra packs thing.
@Shopshopshop
Ha, yeah. I did a heroic with some friends from work, and as a rule, IRL friends are generally not very good. I was consistently whooping their asses on trash, and completely blowing them away on bosses with heroism. And I’m a warrior, the lowest dps of all the tanks. /boggle
@DrPestilence
I’m flattered! The comment means more than you know.
@Katiyana
Oh, your Jess’ friend? The one she was bragging about the steamy bromance?
@ Ali
Oh god, I hate that too. Actually, what’s just as bad and seems to happen to me is when the dps follow you EVERYWHERE. I say “LOS” pull and get ready to go snag it and run back, and the group thinks I mean to dps the pull right on that corner. Sometimes I want to make a macro of things to say in every bad situation while tanking, but then I realize it won’t do any good.
When some dim-witted DPS asks for someone to “link meters plz” I am sure to ALWAYS link the “dispells”.
Oh that wasn’t the one you wanted? Too bad: learn2addon then.
Said the healer/tank druid.
Ah, this takes me back. It’s one of the reasons I stopped tanking near the end of TBC, and stuck with healing on my pallie. Some how its much easier to let a DPS die for his aggro errors as the healer, than not bother pulling a mob off the afore mentioned DPS.
These days, however, I’ve totally whimped out and have stuck with Ret on that pallie. I’ve been threating to dual spec into Holy, but the only person scared by it is me (and really, it should be the rest of the group that’s more scared).
I only managed to level my warrior to 80 two weeks ago. Did it as Prot, and didnt run any dungeons at all. My guild is small, and more friends oriented than goal oriented, so my first run will probably have to be a PuG, and I’m not sure if I want that sort of stress, or want to inflict tank noob pain on them. Mind you, there are alot better tools for AoE threat for warriors these days, so maybe it wont be that bad.
Pathak’s last blog post..WTC Darkmoon Deck : Greatness
OMG… i starting laughing so hard i fell out of my chair.in my torrid tanking adventures, across two expansions and two servers I have seen each and every one of them at least twice.
When I tank, things like that annoy me, but when I DPS… I just can’t help myself and do most of these. Am I a bad person?
Muahaha…
/hugs You.
DPS Addon Prio is Omen and 2nd should be Recount, not the other way aorund tbh.
Little known fact: Most DPS can actually tank better than the tanks, they just choose not to do so.
Randul the Dwarf’s last blog post..A Change of Pace
Very funny and sarcastic dps suggestions from a tank…
Very funny post from a relatively new blogger. Every tank has experienced this especially now after crowd control went out the window….
LOL. Nice chuckle to start the morning out with.
>> Amaralith. I do the same thing too! I’ve a gnome mage.. I figure she’s too tiny to notice! Sometimes when I accidentally (sarcasm) pull a mob, my guildies will throw baby spice on me to try and slow me down.
This is soo true…
My main character is a hunter and I try my hardest not to be a huntard, and I levelled a healer to know how it feels to be in their shoes and get better wih my hunter. My boyfriend is a mage and did the same : he rolled a warrior tank… But sometimes, you find very stupid people in PUGs… We use to pug a lot with our rerolls and have very funny (frustrating) runs.
The other day, we did the Nexus with guildies and pugged a balance druid. I healed with my druid, my boyfriend tanked with his warrior. The druid kept bumping the mobs with his typhoon. The tank asked him to stop that, he couldn’t hit those stupid mobs and loose aggro, and I has getting hit of course… He said he needed this spell because it was his best damage… oO
I threatened him I would stop healing him if he didn’t stop. A few minutes later, he noticed I was still healing him sometimes and said “You shouldn’t heal me, I’m bumping mobs haha !”
Right… He happened to die mysteriously on the next boss…
If you are a dps, never piss off you healer !
And by the way, I really like your blog. The articles about applications were very interresting. And always well written, it’s great. Keep up !
Nef.
Nefernet’s last blog post..Making the big jump…
[...] Wordy Warrior’s Things I’ve Learned About DPS [...]
[...] Wordy Warrior’s Things I’ve Learned About DPS [...]
To be fair, any DPS class can write a post about the bad experiences they have had with Tanks. You know, the Tank that wants to tell everyone in the group how to play their class. Just one example among many.
I feel the pain of tanks and healers but all classes have their own issues.
Also, it’s interesting you’re experiencing this type of players on Doomhammer considering it’s one of the original realms. Normally you only get these type of players on the newer realms.
Might be time for a server transfer or time to stop pugging.
Hahaha, that’s a great post. I’ve just started playing a bear tank myself after going through TBC and the start of WotLK on hunter (a good one, honestly!), and it does open your eyes a bit
“Link the dps meters consistently. Preferably after every trash pull. You need everyone to know you’re carrying this group, fo real.”
The best one is when a dps asks for someone to post meters, like a certain death knight in VH hc tonight, and you’re beating him by 500 lol…
Fun with meters…
Had one of THOSE PUG dps (you know the kind) DK’s on our Naxx run once…constantly pulling aggro through abusing DG/mistargeting, claiming he was ‘leet’ but blamed lag for wiping twice on frogger, etc. He kept buggging me (as the RL) for meters…normally I don’t mind one meter per boss but got pissed and told the guy to wait until the end of the night. Finally, once we called it, I linked the Deaths meter, Fails meter (from Failbot) and the Healing Taken meter, and gratted him…he didn’t get it, but my guild was rolling.
[...] Wordy Warrior’s Things I’ve Learned About DPS [...]
aww the kitten is soo cure. Careful though, mine started to lay in front of my screen when she was little, now it’s considerably harder to play with this HUGE fat cat with a tail in my face.. hehe.. So what name did you go with?
So, you were there when I tanked Utgarde Pinnacle the other day?
There were a hunter and a rogue that almost drove me nuts, I tell you.
And: very cute kitten there!
Actually the other day I had an excellent pug group where the dps were coherent and actually liked me asking for them to CC mobs so I could tank them without the healer having a cow. I was at first totally psyched at how lucky I was to get such a good group outside of a guild run then I realized where thing had come and to say the least I didn’t know any longer what to think about the game I once considered fun.
In response to some of the comments:
This post was a joke. Just like there’s a huge list from a tank’s perspective, there’s a healer’s and DPS’ rendition.
I don’t dislike tanking, and this doesn’t happen all the time while tanking. A few will apply to guildies when they’re bored or not paying attention, but such behavior is generally reserved for those nightmare pugs.
And to the last two comments, nooo, that’s not my cat! It was just a random picture I found. I’ll have to post a picture of my actual kitten at some point. And Corvinna, mine does more than sleep. He plays WoW with me, climbs up onto my monitor to swat at my moving mouse, and rolls his face on my keyboard to talk to my internet friends.
I was just about to ask if that was Zedd!
Every time I see that name, I want to bellow “KNEEL BEFORE ZEDD!!” Is that wrong of me?
Sargeras’s last blog post..Haiku #34
“when a few groups start chaotically frolicking towards your healer”! LOL.
Methinks you’ve been pugging too much, Ariedan! Of course pugs are great, they remind me how much I appreciate my guildmates.
Yes, we must have a pic of Zedd!
@ Sarg
Don’t get me wrong, the kitten is cute, but the monitor makes me vomit profusely. And actually, I think I have a few with him perched on my monitor (which is a feat in itself, since it’s flat!), so as soon as I can find the dumb USB cable, I’ll upload ‘em.
And Atris, I hardly pug, but that’s the reason why!
Every once in a while, I’ll deliberately pug for the challenge since guild runs are generally 10 minutes long and hardly eventful. Sometimes it’s actually fun face-palming your way through an instance!
OMG YOUR CAT IS FACEROLLER! LOLRET!
Sorry, couldn’t resist the urge
It’s a fine line us DPS have to play. On one hand, the DPS is 100% wrong for pulling aggro; idle DPS waiting for threat to drop is better than dead DPS. Yet on the other hand, I don’t feel I’m doing my role right unless I’m right on Ariedan’s bum in threat. My job is to make the fight as quick as possible and I need to be at 75-90% (on WoW’s built-in threat meter).
On the other side of the coin from a DPS Kitty….
To all tanks: Please feel free to spin the mob around in circles so I can’t use Shred consistently. Bonus points if this is a boss with a rear/cone/any directional attack to randomly hit people. Extra bonus points for any DK using Army of the Dead on any dragon boss without sufficient aggro to hold it in one direction first.
Just for this Criss, I’m taunting a boss off of you tonight.
Wtf, Mantren, you’re not even dps!
Look at those “Show your UI” topics on various forums. It’s shocking how many dps do NOT have omen.
The scrubs -_-
DUDE! YOU SO STOLE THE “BUT I’M A WARRIOR” THING FORM ME! Remember?! I told you about this when I was on my DK, tanking Zul’Drak. There was a Ret Pally standing in front on cleaving mobs. I kindly said “Dude, they cleave, gtfo of the front of them” to which he responded “BUT IM NOT WARIUR, UR BAD”.
Omen Shmomen
As an OT i occasionally get to MT and if all of a sudden the boss’s takes a fancy to a dpsing toon, I let them have a nice hug, then taunt back. …sometimes they die
shhh
Excellent Blog, it has been a topic almost daily on our Guild Officer Forums….so much drama lately.
Salute
RJK’s last blog post..Off Tanking, it’s what we do!
Fabio, pretty sure it WAS a warrior and when you said “Cleave?” he said, “Yeah, I’m doing that.”
And thanks, RJK!
Dude, you always know my stories better and more accurate than I do.
Screw me with a pool vaccume ffs.
You both fail. I was healing that heroic. the dps warrior was constantly getting hit by cleave to the point where I was pissed off. So I ask him, ‘do you know what cleave is?’ His response- ‘Yeah, i’m using it’.
Haha, Train wins!
love the post and blog
, ty vm for all your efforts . i play a pally,priest and shammy healer all 80 (eu sorry to say) , i normally have the utmost patience with tanks , cos they are good ppl doing a difficult job as best they can with some idiot trying their best to prove that they can die quicker than the tank can save them. i imagine that you get as many “taunt it off me” as i get ” heal me” , but you missed one after aggroing the mob the dps runs away from the tank tiring both tank and running away from healing congratualtions you managed to die far away 
some thing for the healer version of this which i have used more than once in group chat ….. sadly
tank that blue bar below my health is an indicator of the healing you shall be recieving in your next pull , plse take note 0% blue bar = 0% healing
to dps , i just didnt know i was healing a group of tanks today , some wearing cloth , plse could we decide who is tanking and let that person take the pain , cos they like it and are geared for it
it is *not* cool to play hide and seek with the healer ( stay in LOS )
in reply to dps ” why did you let me die” after weighing all considerations ,it was not that you just took too much pain too quickly for me to heal , but that you shouldnt of being taking pain at all ,
and to all in doubt healing priority #1 tank #2 healer #3 responsible dps #4 ppl who really wants to die repeatedly anyway. make sure your a number >3
)
Warrior tank since the old days. I feel the pain.
And @TTFK: Ahh, the last boss of heroic VH with a PuGed DK tank. Dragon + Army of the Dead = Spinning Fiery Top of Doom. He said he did it because we “needed the dps”. Gotto beat those heroic boss enrage timers, wot wot.
Wow. I know this post has been up for awhile but I somehow keep coming back to it. I first came across it when I was first learning to tank. I chuckled bemusedly and, apart from swearing never to do any of those things if (ever) I have to DPS, went on my merry (tanky) way.
But now, after countless instances, bosses, drops, pulls and wipes, the list fills with a white hot burning rage.
Congratulations. You have created a timeless post.
This doesn’t really fit in but I, like many of your readers, mark for a reason. But why does the third priority target ALWAYS go down before the second? Hardly life threatening but it drives me crazy. Holla if you feel me.
This is timeless with random groups I see all of these in one run