Archive for the “In Which I'm Very Silly” Category

When requesting my tanking services for your random pick-up group, please inquire about all of my stats. You may not realize this, but you need 30k unbuffed health and the heroic Yogg-Saron achievement in order to successfully complete heroic Azjol-Nerub. It’s science!

The higher dps you do, the less you should worry about your threat. When you finally hit the 5-7k dps range, just go ahead and uninstall Omen. If you pull aggro, complain it’s not your fault you’re the more solid player.

Always stand in front of the mob. It’s a little known fact that hugging the tank makes your dps higher. And if those mean nay-sayers retort about a cleave, just cheerfully pip up with, “But I’m no warrior!”

If a tank is chain-pulling, he is clearly a jerk that doesn’t realize you need a full mana bar for every trash pull. In this situation, you should demand that he stop after every pull. For special emphasis, you should create a yell macro. If he doesn’t slow down any, as a last resort, just call him terrible.

On the other hand, if you feel the tank is pulling too slow, you are fully entitled to pull for him. Don’t worry, he’ll thank you for helping him out. All he has to do is press some tanky buttons when a few groups start chaotically frolicking towards your healer, so it’s not a big deal, right?

If a tank says “LOS pull,” it’s actually a foreign acronym that translates roughly to mean “dps pull.” And remember, you’re doing the tank a favor by dpsing that caster that’s shooting shadowbolts around the corner, so if the tank yells at you, tell him he needs to learn to play.

If you see a pack of mobs patrolling nearby, you should hurry up and pull it! Hurry, now! Go go, it might get away for good!

AoE is more effective if you begin before the tank can ever fully hit all the mobs. After all, tanks have the easiest jobs; all they have to do is hit one button and they have eternal aggro on all mobs immediately. And if they lose aggro, well then, call them bad.

If the tank asks if you’re ready to pull the boss, tell them you are, even if you aren’t really. Be sure to wait until he pops his cooldowns in preparation to pull before screeching he has to wait for your mana. Again: science!

If a tanking weapon or stamina item drops, you’re allowed to roll need on it for PvP. Tanks need to quit being selfish twats and realize the game doesn’t evolve around them. Besides, PvE players are all scrubs, so you deserve it more, anyhow!

If the tank marks skull, point and laugh at him. Make it clear you are mocking him because focus-fire is never, ever needed these days, as AoE is king. If your tank tries to explain some nonsense about healing and special abilities, just ignore him and AoE anyhow.

Feel free to go afk, tab out, or just stand there while furiously responding to your paramours in whispers. This is just a game, after all. Who does the tank think he is, telling you he’ll kick you if you don’t dps? I mean, first he tells you you’re dpsing too hard and pulling aggro, and now he’s telling you to start dps? All tanks are whiny little prima donnas, seriously.

Link the dps meters consistently. Preferably after every trash pull. You need everyone to know you’re carrying this group, fo real.

When doing a boss, your strategies are always best. Even if the rest of the group does it the tank’s way, yours is clearly better. Argue until they realize you’re smarter.

Disclaimer: this post is in no way sarcastic. That was also sarcasm.

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Sorry for the lack of posts the last couple of days. I haven’t been feeling really well. Hopefully I’ll be fine tomorrow and have time to polish off one of my drafts I have sitting ’round. Until then, random filler post!

A couple of weeks ago, one of our guildies posted the link to the Mybrute webpage on the forums. It started out with only a few people just trying it, and within a week, the entire guild was completely absorbed by it. Now all guild, raid, party, and vent chat is occupied by Brute talk, topics ranging from different weapons you can get to how unfair the RNG is. Most of even have referred to our characters as “mains” and “alts,” if that isn’t bad enough!

Mybrute’s a silly little online game, if you can even call it that, where you make a character that fights other people’s brutes. Your abilities, stats, and weapons are all completely random. Sometimes you get nothing at all, and you’re stuck punching each other. Other times, you luck out and get pets and huge, overpowered weapons. You don’t have control of the characters, it’s all random. It should be stupid, but somehow, has become one of the funnest guild activities.

Seriously, go try it. Go fight against one of my alts here and give it a go. If anything, it gives you something fun to post on your guild forums, eh?

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I’ve always wanted to do a sort of guilty pleasures/confessions list, and between not having time to write a decent post before work, and my desire to have a lighter, less serious post, here you go!

1. I’m a barber shop fanatic.

I’ve spent well over 200 gold on changing hairstyles on my warrior, and when I play alts, I change their hair every time I log onto them. My guild loves to tease me for this, especially since it’s the only distinctly female tendency I don’t suppress “in front of the guys.” Whatever, I mean… it’s hair, right? Even guys care about hair. Don’t.. they..?

2. I love my mini-pets.

Which is not to be confused with a mini-pet collector. I like the ones I have, and generally rotate between having my Blizzard bear, showshoe rabbit, and Siamese kitten out.

3. I’m ridiculously vain about how gear looks on my toons.

In fact, I sometimes have a hard time picking up loot that’s a clear upgrade, but considerably uglier. Case-in-point: they’re buffing the currently lackluster Wall of Terror, making it more desirable to use. Logic as a main tank tells me to switch shields when the patch is released. But.. but.. the Barricade of Eternity is so pretty! In the end I always do what’s right, but I always have some sort of internal debate over it.

4. I’ve been known to play Scatman on loop the entire time I was raiding.

I’ve been playing Scatman during raids since the beginning of BC. It makes the BEST raid music! I’m listening to it now, in fact.

5. When I play my mage alt in instances, I might be a little reckless.

Why is it when tanks actually play dps classes, they end up doing all the things they hate dps doing? I AoE too early. When tanks pull too slow for my pace, I ice lance one and frost nova at the tank’s feet. I go invisible it there’s a wipe.. especially if it’s my fault! I don’t back off the threat meter if I hear that telltale “THWOMP!” explosion from Omen, thinking, “Meh.. I’ve always got Iceblock!” I’m everything I hate, and I’m your worst nightmare, tanks. You better hope I don’t get this mage to 80!

6. I sometimes let the melee die on purpose during trash.

If someone pulls off me, believe me, I know it. I’m tabbing enough, and I’ve got enough mods to tell me when I’ve lost aggro on something, besides. Normally, I’m lightening-fast at taunting. But.. sometimes I wait until the mob has killed the person who pulled before taunting back. I’m devious, aren’t I? Makes me feel empowered! /flex

7. I’m by no means a trade troll, but I’m a general channel troll.

Random level two alt, in some random low level zone. Somebody says something stupid. You better believe I’m the first person to respond with something usually snarky and/or sarcastic. The best part of it, though, is that the people are usually too dumb to catch I’ve insulted them. I remember once rolling an alt with my boyfriend, and him looking at me all shocked saying, “You’re mean!” I don’t know why I usually do this on alts. The obvious suspected reason is that I don’t want to look bad on my main, and that’s far from true. I troll on my main on the forums, and have absolutely no respect for people who can’t voice their opinions on their mains. I’m horribly, brutally honest regardless of what character I’m on, believe me. No, the reason is I’m rarely in general on my main, and that’s the toasted toad’s truth! Besides, the general chat in 80 zones is usually raiding and/or pvp related. My preference is general stupidity, instead of flaming e-penis wars.

8. I once tried bribing a hunter to misdirect a healer*.

I wish I had a close hunter friend so I can do this all the time. There is nothing funnier than a hunter being bribed to misdirect healers*. I can’t explain why it’s funny, it just is.

*Please note, healer can be replaced by warlocks. Warlocks are funny when they die, too! (sorry, warlocks! *ducks rotten tomatoes*) And on the note of warlocks, I like to tease the warlocks in my guild by playing vigilance roulette before a boss fight. Last person I put it on before we go in, gets it for the fight. I’m mean to our warlocks, but it’s a lovable cruelty!

9. I desperately want to play a shaman at times.

Not because I enjoy the class, but because I want to screw with people and give them water walking right when they’re jumping into water. Lurker is a fantastic example. Since I can’t, I try to bribe my boyfriend, who plays an enhance shaman, to do it. The flip-side is when the guild bribes him to do it to me, and they all laugh when the tables turn. Sad face!

10. I hate gnomes.

This one isn’t so much of a guilty please as it is just a fact. I don’t know why, but I really, really, really hate gnomes. Their squeaky little voices, their appearance.. I can’t quite put my finger on it (could that be a pun?), but something about gnomes just drives me up a wall.

So, what’re your guilty pleasures/dirty secrets? We all have some! Let’s hear ‘em.

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